When his girlfriend demands he settle down and start a family, Cole Winchester has some hard decisions to make. Marry his girlfriend, or finally break free of the closet and own up to his attraction to men.

A run in with an old friend on the beach, propels Cole’s fantasies out into the open and forces him to confront his deepest desires. Before him, lies the choice of a lifetime—embrace his desire for another man or go back to living the cold, repressed life he carved for himself.


Author’s Note: This title was formerly released as Taboo Desires.


Now available exclusively at Amazon



Cole turned to find Eric right behind him, close enough to touch. Tension ratcheted up a notch, growing thick and palpable in the dark. His arms felt empty and longed to reach out, pull Eric to him.

“Sorry about the dark,” he rambled nervously, while stepping around Eric. “I would turn on the lights, but by the time I get to the breaker box, we could be upstairs anyway.”

Upstairs. Alone together. With a big comfy bed just waiting for us to make use of it. Cole gave himself a mental smack and, through determination alone, managed to keep his hands firmly at his sides.

Inviting Eric home with him was the equivalent of playing with fire. Oh, he’d noticed the sly glances the younger man had been shooting his way all night, seen him sporting wood more than once. And then that kiss-he didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if he hadn’t pulled away at the last second. He’d been so tempted to let Eric kiss him, to see what Eric’s lips would feel like against his own.

Eric was interested, of that Cole didn’t have any doubt. The real question was, was he interested? His cock shouted, “hell yeah”, but the rest of him was torn. Eric was a cute guy, and they seemed to have a bit in common, but he didn’t know if he was ready to take that next step, to go from fantasizing about being with a man to actually doing it. He could see him and Eric being friends, yes, but lovers? Oh, he wanted to fuck Eric, no doubt about that, but he wasn’t sure if he could go through with it. Twenty-seven years of being conditioned to believe homosexuality was wrong stood a silent vigil between him and what he desired.

“This way,” he said and headed for the private door leading up to his apartment. “Just follow behind me and I’ll try not to steer you into a wall.”

Eric’s footsteps echoed on the stairs as he tagged along. “Yeah, that would be good. I’d hate to run my head into a wall and end up spending the night on your sofa.”

Yep, Cole thought, that would be a tragedy. If Eric spent the night, he could think of a lot better places for him to spend time. Like sprawled out naked in bed, underneath him, or on top of him, or hell, even upside down would be okay.

Cole stopped on the last step and unlocked the door. Eric waited behind him, one step down. Any closer and Cole imagined he would feel the heat radiating off Eric’s body, feel his hot breath on the small of his back. That instantly brought to mind a picture of Eric’s pink tongue-the same one he’d coveted earlier in the night while it ran across Eric’s pouty lower lip-peeking out to lick at the delicate skin of his lower back, drifting lower to explore territory no woman had ever touched. What would that bubble gum tongue feel like moving over his ass, licking, prodding his entrance?

The cheeks of his backside clenched in response to the taboo image. His pulse quickened and in the dark, silent corridor, he could hear the resonance of his own labored breathing. As he shoved open his door and reached a hand inside to feel for the light switch, he wondered if Eric had noticed it too.

His hand never made it to the light. Eric rushed him from behind and pushed him up against the wall opposite the open door. A hand wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled his head down.

“Fuck it. I may be way off base here, but I think you want this as much as I do,” Eric whispered, hot puffs of breath caressing Cole’s skin with every word.

Before he could utter a response, soft lips pressed against his, and a tongue slid over the seam of his mouth, coaxing him to open wide. His eyelids fell shut and his lips parted, allowing Eric in. The first touch of Eric’s tongue gliding along his sent an electric current ricocheting through his body. He groaned and tilted his head, losing himself in the taste and texture of Eric’s mouth.

His arms rose of their own will and wrapped around Eric’s slim body, zeroing in on his firm little ass and pulling him closer. Their bodies flush, tongues dueling, Cole could feel everything. A hundred sensations hit him at once and short-circuited his senses. The whoosh of breath leaving Eric’s body, the fast thump of blood rushing through his own ears, the ache of his balls drawing tight, the hard ridge of Eric’s cock rubbing against his own through too many layers of clothes.

He wanted them naked. Now. Wanted to touch and taste with an intensity that should’ve frightened him, and probably would have if he’d been in the frame of mind to care right then. Luckily, he wasn’t. He was too tired of all the bullshit, of hiding and pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Though he wasn’t sure why, Cole felt safe enough to let go and be himself around Eric. The only thing holding him back was himself, and for the first time ever, Cole was ready to ignore the persistent little whisper of his overactive conscience and throw caution to the wind for what he wanted. Nothing mattered but the man in his arms and the flame burning hotter between them.

Cole spun them around and pressed Eric’s back to the wall. He sucked Eric’s bottom lip into his mouth and nipped it, savoring the sweet whimper he got in response. His hands slid between their bodies and fumbled with the button of Eric’s pants. The damn things were skin tight-he couldn’t get them unfastened.

Eric shoved Cole’s hands out of the way and undid them himself, yanking the front of his jeans open before going to work on Cole’s. In a matter of seconds, Eric had both their cocks out, in his slender hand, and was rubbing them together. He leaned up on tiptoe, pressed his lips against Cole’s and whispered, “Touch me.”


“Taboo Desires follows Cole as he breaks away from the life he sees as safe to explore his true yearnings. Instant attraction and a lifetime of denial pack a powerful punch in Ms. Young’s fast moving story.”
~ Reviewed by Water Nymph/Literary Nymphs

“Amanda Young tackles an almost unmentionable topic with her book TABOO DESIRES and I have to give her kudos for doing so. I found this story to be a real eye opener regarding the issues that gay people face as they come to terms with their own sexuality.”
~Reviewed by: Chrissy Dionne/Romance Junkies

“Taboo Desires is a sweet story wrapped in a shroud of burgeoning sexual awareness. Once again Amanda Young has written a winner!”
~Reviewed by Kerin/Two Lips Reviews